Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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