No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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