Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
