Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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