I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FUCK WHALES
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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