Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
