Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please come you make the beer taste better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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