new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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