There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
