i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
