You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
