Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
