i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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