I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
