Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
