You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
