I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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