You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
