my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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