My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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