Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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