I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
