If that was your dad, he is hot
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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