We're facebook friends in real life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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