I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
