dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
