Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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