I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
