woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
