I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
