I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Non-Jews are for practice
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
