I'm going to jail i love you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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