i used baking grease as lip gloss
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
