so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
