phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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