i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
