I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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