I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
