girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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