I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
