There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
