I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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