AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
