I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
