Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
