If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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