Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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