"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
