Don't you send me to vm
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
