Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
